A friend from a foreign student told me that she thinks that the biggest difference between foreign parents and Chinese parents in education is that "the focus is different." Chinese parents always like to pay attention to their children's defects, and have been busy "finding leaks and filling in vacancies"; foreign parents, on the contrary, pay more attention to their children's strengths and give them constant affirmation.
The end result is that Chinese babies are almost all-rounded, and can do everything, but they are not proficient, and they have become a "millionaire", while foreign babies may have serious defects in some aspects, but their advantages and disadvantages are equally eye-catching.
Not only that, foreign children are more competitive than Chinese children, even if the two sides are almost at the same level.
According to Piaget, a modern child psychologist, Hong Kong universities this phenomenon is related to the "victor effect".
Initially, the "victor effect" was mainly used in biological chemistry. After long-term observation, experts found that individuals who adopted the "upgrade system" had a better chance of winning when facing stronger enemies.
This means that if animals defeat a few weaker opponents before challenging a stronger opponent, their winning percentage will increase relatively, and the more they pave the way, the more obvious the effect will be.
In fact, the individual has not changed fundamentally.
According to Professor Ian Robertson, this effect is equally applicable to humans, and the content is more "metaphysics".
His research team did such an experiment, dividing 10 people into two groups. The experimental individuals had similar cognition, age, and education. Then one group of people continued to solve simple math problems, and the other group was difficult to solve. Topic.
After warming up 15 questions, everyone did the same difficult test papers (all multiple choice questions), but the results were very different.
The results show that the accuracy of the former group is 32% higher than that of the latter group.
The professor believes that the "victor effect" belongs to the high-level recognition of the human brain. It involves special neural circuits and can make people more focused, confident, and proactive without changing the physical basis. Sex.
In the process of educating children, the "victor effect" is not limited to success. It also includes parental approval. Because the child lacks self-appreciation, the latter effect is even better.
In other words, if parents often praise their children, they can also increase their success rate.
In addition, often praised children have the following benefits:
Experts from the University of California have published such academic reports in Science. Studies have shown that negative emotions increase the probability of human disease, especially neurological and cardiovascular diseases.
Children who are often praised by their parents are naturally happy. They are rarely troubled by negative emotions, and a healthy mentality will help to coordinate the endocrine of the child and improve their health from the side.
In contrast, reprimanding a child makes them angry, and every second a fire extinguishes life by 3 seconds. Does the mother want the baby to die prematurely?
I have to mention a friend here, study in Hong Kong she always complained to me, saying that she regretted having a baby, that her son was not close to her at all, sticking to her father all day long, she has a tendency to be filial since childhood.
Regardless of how she talked about it, I didn't even hear it. From the standpoint of an onlooker, the child became that way, it was her fault.
After all, how can a mother scold her child at all? Just the friend ’s temper, not to mention a baby, and adults ca n’t afford it. Her lover ’s divorce for so long has proved that they are true love. If you change someone, it ’s impossible. Been together for so many years.
Everyone is willing to listen to the good things, and the mother has nothing to boast about the child, and the relationship between the two is virtually closed.
Fan Deng said that if you think your child is difficult to discipline, the first thing to reflect on is whether you have any problems.
Did anyone find that Chinese children are very strange? The better the mother ’s attitude, the more obedient the child is, and the more obedient the child is, the better the mother ’s attitude is, forming a virtuous circle in the end.
In contrast, there is a vicious cycle of "bad to bad". Strangely, few mothers will take the initiative to break this model. This is the key to the difficulty of education.
As the saying goes, do n’t reach out and smile at people. After being boasted, the child is not embarrassed to continue to work with his mother, especially the children in the rebellious period.
In "Criminal Psychology", there is such a core methodology: if you want to obey a person, you must mobilize his emotions in advance.
Harvard University professor Termis said: After the mother praises the child, she must seize the psychological fluctuation period to educate her. At this time, the child is the most plastic and will usually obey the arrangement.
It is the smart parents to replace the "punishment" in "radish and stick" with "reasonable guidance". It turns out that they are indeed more willing to accept this type of education.
There is no perfect education model in the world, top universities in hong kong and the harm is hidden in the subtleties.
There are many benefits to praising children, but there are also many harms. Therefore, parents should not use this education mode blindly, and some attention points cannot be ignored.
1. Clear rewards and punishments. Although criticizing children will cause a series of problems, after measuring the pros and cons, some things have to be done, such as abusing others, stealing things, violent tendencies, etc. The bad habits must be eliminated from the root. The longer the delay, the more harmful it is. Big.
2. If material rewards are involved, the amount should be controlled. Now the children's vanity is very strong. They can only accept that they are getting better and better, and they cannot accept that they are getting worse.
3. Many parents may have long forgotten the word "pride", but in the study, it is directly linked to "carelessness". Therefore, parents should always pay attention to their children's performance. If they find that they often make mistakes in details, it means that the child has already Deeply arrogant, at this time, reasonable suppression should be carried out.
In short, where possible, mothers should pay more attention to their children's flash points, and continue to dig deeper according to their characteristics, and cultivate their desire for success and excitement with confidence.